The funny thing about movies

Just think about it, if you were allowed to make or direct you own movie, what would you do, with would it be like? Me for instance anybody that knows me well knows that I love movies, like I'd take time out of my schedule to watch a good movie, and if I'd be allowed to direct my own movie, I'd want it to be good. Am not pro-Nigerian movies or anti and neither am I pro-foreign movies or anti and just pro-good movie and anti-bad movie. My love of movies or basically and anything artistic makes me hate bad movies.

The funny thing about movies expecially Nigerian movies is the fact that sometimes I see some movies been aried and I wonder why it's even there. Their are so ridiculous that as an average movie audience, I wonder if the producers and directors even spent any dedication make it. Sure it obviously not easy to make a movie but I think if I have been making movies for forty years I ought to be good at it or at least better than I started.

I have seen some really good movies, great Nigerian movies in fact, mentioning a few names like October first, doctor Bello and others. October first had one of the most spectacular use of fantastic props I have ever seen in a Nigerian movie and the quality was breathe-taking. The customes were very convincing and so was the location. It made me feel like that must have been how it was in 1960. Though I thought the storyline could have been a whole lot better. But it was pretty good compared to a conventional Nigerian movie.

In an like ours where we have technology that should if not for anything give us quality movies, why do we still end up it lame ones? I have watched some movies and thought to myself "was this really made in 2015" some movies are to bad that if they were made in the 90s they'd still be bad. For having the biggest movie industry in the whole of Africa, we sure do make a lot of lame movies.

For instance, how can you make a movie where some one gets shot in the leg and ends up in the hospital with a bandage on his head. Or in a situation we can actually see that the guns are fake, why would you give a pistol the sound effect of an automatic rifle? As if it's not bad enough, so times you watch a movie and you see knockouts or "bangers" as popularly known in Nigeria jumping already the screen while guns are been shot. We are not stupid you know we can see Em.

Sometimes, someone gets shot and his blood spills on the camera. Isn't that taking it a little bit far. And you'd think in this age of such flamboyant cgi, Nigerian video effects should have improved but they are just as lame. What's with the Len flare they always use to symbolize disappearance?

I was watching a movie just today and you should see what flying looks like, it was just bad. Lemme talk about a movie that's quite popular on African magic, a quite recent movie at that. I won't mention the name but if you've watched it, am sure you would know it as I write along. The movie was so bad, I had no choice but to stop and watch it.

The very first scene I saw in this movie, depicts a man, a popular small person in Nigerian screens, under a mango tree with his so called girlfriend. He is supposed to be a musically talented person in the movie, and he's about to sing for his girlfriend. This is exactly how he looked like. He wore a netted singlet in the colour of the ghanaian flag I think, with an oversized shorts. Then he had something that could easily pass off as the hide of a dead goat on his head for a dreadlocks or "dada" as if all this wasn't bad enough, he had in his hand a broken-down lead guitar that God knows where they picked it from and was playing it, without light or an amplifier. And that wasn't enough or, he was also singing and playing it. But of the sounds where like they were dubbed over the video and it was obvious he wasn't really singing or playing. What would it actually take to actually dread his hair, or just give him a normal acoustic guitar? And every time in the movie he played and sang with the lead guitar without an amplifier and with that dead goat hide on his head.

It seems some Nigerian actors and directors don't know there's something called over acting, that's when your acting looks forced or its obviously fake and yet they dub themselves professionals. If you know your actors are not capable then don't put them in situations that with show their mistakes. And at least you can either re-act mistakes or just crop them out, but no, they are not that dedicated. You're watching a movie and someone just got shot and then they zoom in on the persons face who is supposed to be dead and you can see the person either blinking or breathing. Or someone is hanged or died in a hospital and they zoom in on the person's face and you can see the actor's eyes moving.

That's why it called movie magic. We know it's fake but it should look so real that we doubt that it fake, and kinda believe it can truly happen. Another thing gangstas don't have to dress like fools the way they are shown in Nigerian movies with their stupid fake accent. And not everybody who goes aboard comes back with and American accent. If he went to Britain he should come back with and English accent. And how can come travel abroad and without seeing the airport, the person gets deported and yes comes back with an accent. He was in America for like what two minutes?

Besides what's with the stupid effect of accident. When someone is about you have an accident, you show the car interiors and shake the cameras, so lame isn't there any other way, and also what's with the lame soundtracks that reminds you of what has happened in the movie previously? For instance ngozi, goes to Lagos and gets pregnant so the soundtrack of the movie will play "ngozi leave village go Lagos come get belle what a wicked world, chei ewo" and on and on, just crazy.

As much as there are lames movies there are great movies, that other movies should learn from. And I think there should also be a standard to Nigerian movies, so that not anything goes. And not only Nigerian movies are guilty of all these great crimes against my eyes and ears but others too. I was watching an Indian movie that also had such blunders. The blood looked red, not bloody but red crimson red like the flash. In fact everybody is guilty in fact. I think bad movies should be banned. It's not like we are not trying but there so kind of movies I don't expect to see anymore, there should be improvement. In Nigeria, some commercials or popular called advertises are have some much better quality and cgi than a regular movie why should it be so, Abeg make we improve o. God bless 9ga.

If you have any other blunders from movies that should be addressed or treated don't forget to leave them in the comments and also reactions too, cause I know not everybody will agree with me.

The funny thing about education

Just think about it, education its not exactly compulsory but necessary, the funny thing is I don't even believe it for everyone. You will agree with me that there are a lot of Nigerians who go through school and end up not needing their certificate or end up in the labour market without employment. I saw a picture the other day, of a first class graduate with "juju" broomstick on his neck, trekking with his cv, looking for job.

When am talking about education I mean the formal education. Not everybody is meant to have a formal education. Sure the basics are needed, i:e the basic knowledge to read and write after that, formal education is not quite necessary. From a very young age, it is normal for everyone to grow up exhibiting either the potential for so. Thinbor the love of something. And depending on the talents, parents should know the way to go with the child. Wether formal education is for him or otherwise.

What Nigerian parents do, usually is to disregard this potential for future talent and try to tailor the child to their own taste. Earlier times, there were three professions every child was expected to be. Either a lawyer, doctor or an engineer. If everybody becomes just these three, who will manufacture goods, who will invest or account for money, who will grow food, who will manage the government, Who will do the other jobs?

For instance, when parents notice their child to have a potential for art, let's say the child has been drawing from age two, you would think the parents would encourage it. But instead, they'd beat the potential out of him or discourage him and try to force something else on him. What's wrong with wanting to dance, sing or paint life or marvel the world with poetry or invent something new?

I think to myself everyday that if I had been trained in the ways of business, investing and entrepreneurship from the age of two, I'd be a billionaire now. So instead of spending sixteen years to acquire a certificate I would never use or need only to end up starting a business I would have started sixteen years ago or end up in a job I won't be happy with and be terrible at. Considering these facts, my lot would have been better if I didn't go to school at all.

Nearly everybody who has a talent for arts is familiar with this. You tell your parents about what you like or what you are good at like for instance you meet your dad and tell him I wanna dance that's what I want to do. As a girl, you parents will go "are you crazy, is something wrong with you? Don't you know it's only prostitute that's dance? You want to waste your life Shey? You want to be one of those girls that expose themselves in all those music videos Shey" They say this not understand there are so many forms of dance and if it makes u happy and if you're good at it they should let u. As a guy you look your dad straight in the eye and tell him you want to go into music and he tells you this "is something wrong with you, you most have started smoking, you want to waste your life Shey? You want to be doing nigga, yo, yo on television Shey? Don't you know it's only drop out that do music? You need deliverance." or if you were much younger, your parents would try to beat the talent out of you.

It a good thing, times are changing gradually but the mentality still exist. How many doctors, lawyers and engineers are out there without anything to do, in Nigeria it doesn't matter what you study, the fact still remains if you're not extraordinary, you'd just be like the rest of us. It's different if you have the passion for one of these and you really want to not do for yourself and not because of parental pressure. Passion makes all the differences because passion makes one extraordinary while without passion you'd just be empty, terrible at your job chosen by your parents and living a miserable, unfulfilled life.

Most Nigerians have limited dreams because of the kind of society and family we grew up in or with. A typical Nigerian has very little ambition in life. We are born, we grow up, we go to school, we finish well, we get a good job, we get married, build family, and then we die what's the point? Where's the fulfilment in that? It's like we live to continue the family tree and nothing more, living without making any real impact on society. I grew up in a home were talent especially artistic talent was not encouraged, I had to hide these things I was actually good at and develop them in secret. And when I tried to express them, I would be told I was only thinking like a child. I was expected to read and read only. Half of those times my parents thought I was reading I was actually drawing. After a while, I kinda gave up on been my own individual and tried to flow with the stream of society but deep down, I knew it wasn't my way. Today if I had a child and I discovered that he's good in let's say music, after the basic learning how to read and write, he would do not but music. I'd gt him enrolled into a music school instead of a conventional school.

Now people are finally beginning to understand that it's not just enough to go to school and come out with first class because in the country we live in now, there's no job waiting for anyone, instead onku those with creative, innovative minds are surviving with ease. Now people are trying to go into entrepreneurship after wasting time in school acquiring a certificate useless to them or rendered useless by society. They now try to acquire skills to be self-employed and universities are also encouraging the study of entrepreneurship and adding it to their curriculum.

The most successful people in the world, without mentioning names are either school dropouts or didn't even bother to go in the first and instead used theymir time for better things. Doesn't that tell that though education is good and quite important expecially the basics, it limits ones potential and does not allow them to reach their maximum heights. How many first class do you see today making an impart on society. They are out there with the rest of us looking for jobs from those who didn't bother to either go or complete school.

Parents need to learn to allow their children to grow God giving potentials and creativity rather than force formal education on them. I think the more creativity is encouraged in society, the better the society would be in future and the less we would have bitter, frustrated Nigerians login unfulfilled lives. God bless 9ga o.

The funny thing about suicide

Just think about it, I live in a country where a lot of things happen. But suicide isn't really one of them. Do you know Japan is one of the countries with the highest rates of suicide in the world? People are always killing themselves over very dumb issues basically because their emotional threshold is not as strong as that in Nigeria. We Nigerians can take anything. It like it never happens, like one in a billion. But even in those cases, they are usually new generation Nigerians who act like they are American. Nigerians don't just have the balls to kill themselves. A typical Nigerian who plans a suicide will also plan a rescue mission for himself.

Quick example, a guy is fend up with life and decides to kill himself. He decides he's going to make a cocktail mix of Ariel, make a toast to his life, drink it and die. He takes the detergent looks at it for a while, then pours it in a bucket and begins to wash his clothes realise it's just not worth it.

Another instance where he decides to hang himself, he would take a rope to somewhere he knows someone would pass and see him, then he'd tie it into a nuzzle, stand on a stool and put that nuzzle in his hand and wait. As soon as he sees someone passing, he would put the nuzzle on his neck and then threaten to kill himself loudly saying "I will kill myself o"

Depending on the kind of person that comes by, two scenarios would play. The first one is if the person is nice, he would probably begg him out to do it and being Nigerian and stubborn, the suicidee(allow me to use that made up word ooo) would insist on killing himself, naturally the nice Nigerian would give up and decide to leave him to his decision which would change as soon as the person opinion changes. This will result to him going back home without killing himself.

The Second scenario that might play will involve a Nigeria who probably just doesn't give a shit(mind my language) the same situation the suicidee sees someone coming and screams that he'd kill himself but this time the person encourages him to kill himself that what's he's business. He even goes further been a good, bad Samaritan and kicks the stool from under him. Now on the verge of dying, the suicidee begs to be saved now realising it not worth it, at the end of the day he gets rescued but picks a fight with his good, bad Samaritan for trying to kill him.

Another classic scenario is a Nigerian who goes to the top of a building is in tears and screams that he would jump and kill himself if nothing is done, the police is called and they arrive very late keeping the suicidee to wait for hours. After they arrive, the suicidee repeats he's threats
"I will jump o" he screams
"jump now" replies the police
"we don't have all day joor" They add
"am not joking I will jump oo" he screams again
"ohh if u want to jump, jump some of us have jobs unlike u" They reply back
"I will jump except you gimme money" he says again
Now this time the police lose their patience and says to him "guy, nobody has money to give you,if you wan jump, jump. Abi u want me to come and push you by myself...?" he ask
At this point the man about to commit suicide is now truly scared and then replies "don't worry I will come down by myself"
"guy don't worry don't come down again just jump, in fact am coming up to push you down" says the policeman
No sooner after he said that, the suicidee comes down and they proceed on giving him the beating of his life inches away from death. At this point the man will never try it again. They also charged him for attempted suicide and fraud in the sense that he was trying to scam people by faking attempted suicide end of story

We are Nigerians, suicide has never been the answer, we strive, we survive, we have reasons to kill ourselves but we don't because we hope, that's why we are rated one of the happiest people in the world. I have never exactly been to Lagos before but I hear some people live under the bridges there and yet we don't see a lot of them throwing themselves of it. We are very strong people who survive any means necessary because of how hopeful we are and how adaptive we are, I actually love Nigeria to an extent and God bless 9ga oooo.