The funny thing about suicide

Just think about it, I live in a country where a lot of things happen. But suicide isn't really one of them. Do you know Japan is one of the countries with the highest rates of suicide in the world? People are always killing themselves over very dumb issues basically because their emotional threshold is not as strong as that in Nigeria. We Nigerians can take anything. It like it never happens, like one in a billion. But even in those cases, they are usually new generation Nigerians who act like they are American. Nigerians don't just have the balls to kill themselves. A typical Nigerian who plans a suicide will also plan a rescue mission for himself.

Quick example, a guy is fend up with life and decides to kill himself. He decides he's going to make a cocktail mix of Ariel, make a toast to his life, drink it and die. He takes the detergent looks at it for a while, then pours it in a bucket and begins to wash his clothes realise it's just not worth it.

Another instance where he decides to hang himself, he would take a rope to somewhere he knows someone would pass and see him, then he'd tie it into a nuzzle, stand on a stool and put that nuzzle in his hand and wait. As soon as he sees someone passing, he would put the nuzzle on his neck and then threaten to kill himself loudly saying "I will kill myself o"

Depending on the kind of person that comes by, two scenarios would play. The first one is if the person is nice, he would probably begg him out to do it and being Nigerian and stubborn, the suicidee(allow me to use that made up word ooo) would insist on killing himself, naturally the nice Nigerian would give up and decide to leave him to his decision which would change as soon as the person opinion changes. This will result to him going back home without killing himself.

The Second scenario that might play will involve a Nigeria who probably just doesn't give a shit(mind my language) the same situation the suicidee sees someone coming and screams that he'd kill himself but this time the person encourages him to kill himself that what's he's business. He even goes further been a good, bad Samaritan and kicks the stool from under him. Now on the verge of dying, the suicidee begs to be saved now realising it not worth it, at the end of the day he gets rescued but picks a fight with his good, bad Samaritan for trying to kill him.

Another classic scenario is a Nigerian who goes to the top of a building is in tears and screams that he would jump and kill himself if nothing is done, the police is called and they arrive very late keeping the suicidee to wait for hours. After they arrive, the suicidee repeats he's threats
"I will jump o" he screams
"jump now" replies the police
"we don't have all day joor" They add
"am not joking I will jump oo" he screams again
"ohh if u want to jump, jump some of us have jobs unlike u" They reply back
"I will jump except you gimme money" he says again
Now this time the police lose their patience and says to him "guy, nobody has money to give you,if you wan jump, jump. Abi u want me to come and push you by myself...?" he ask
At this point the man about to commit suicide is now truly scared and then replies "don't worry I will come down by myself"
"guy don't worry don't come down again just jump, in fact am coming up to push you down" says the policeman
No sooner after he said that, the suicidee comes down and they proceed on giving him the beating of his life inches away from death. At this point the man will never try it again. They also charged him for attempted suicide and fraud in the sense that he was trying to scam people by faking attempted suicide end of story

We are Nigerians, suicide has never been the answer, we strive, we survive, we have reasons to kill ourselves but we don't because we hope, that's why we are rated one of the happiest people in the world. I have never exactly been to Lagos before but I hear some people live under the bridges there and yet we don't see a lot of them throwing themselves of it. We are very strong people who survive any means necessary because of how hopeful we are and how adaptive we are, I actually love Nigeria to an extent and God bless 9ga oooo.